I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
