i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
