i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
