I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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