he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
