There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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