Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
