May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
