Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
