youre lurking in front of me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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