who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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