Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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