i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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