He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
