Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
