Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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