im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
