the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
