woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
