It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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