i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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