so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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