Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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