John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
