I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
