For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
