you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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