I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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