I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
