I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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