weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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