Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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