sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
