we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
