I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
the raccoons are back...
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