We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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