i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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