her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
