Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
