Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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