I heard we made out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
