we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
