Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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