drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
