Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
