i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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