Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's always time for handjobs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
