Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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