she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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