I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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