i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
