News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
