i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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