Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
