whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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