I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
