no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
