And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
