he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
