I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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