i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
