I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My bed smells like the plague
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
